you are all a bunch of mal contents!
No soup for you!
rich Texas Rancher returns home
from a business trip. he is met at the train by his chauffeur. He asks "did anything happen while I was away?"
driver: no, nothing new. O well your dog died.
man: O, rover? no! how did that happen?
Driver: the vet said it was from eating burned horse flesh.
man: where did he get burned horse flesh?
Driver: the barn burned down. I did mean to tell you that, all the horses were killed.
Man: what? how did that happen??!!
Driver: we think it was a spark from the house.
Man: what spark? what do you mean?
Driver: your house burned down too
Driver: it was the flames from the candles caught the curtains on fire.
Man: what candles?
driver: on your mother in law's coffin
My mother-in-law died???
driver: she had a heart attack when she learned that your wife ran away with your best friend.
Other than that....
a cow girl comes into a bar in Cleveland. she orders three beers and sits down. The bar tender says "say ma'm those would taste better if you ordered them one at a time."
the cowgirl says "I know, but you see I'm from Amarillo Texas,and I have two sisters. We are real close and I miss them so I told them by phone that I will drink beer every evening at this time and order a beer for each of them. they are drinking beers too back home, so that way I'm still drinking beer with them.
the people in the bar thought this was touching. They soon grew to like the cowgirl and cared about her. She was friendly and got on well with everyone.
One day she came in and ordered only two beers. The people in the bar were all alarmed and said, worrying that one of the sister's died, but they were afraid to ask. finally he bar tender said "I can't help but notice that you only ordered two beers, I'm so sorry for your loss."
The woman said "No no, it's ok. everyone is fine. I just promised my mother I'd quite drinking."