Sorry I've been away so long. I've been very sick. I've also been facing a lot of problems. In fact these last frew weeks I thought my name was Job. I think this was the furthest down I've ever been in life. So I need to talk about what I leanred at this time:
On a spiriutal note. One of the hardest things in life is reliazing that God is not going to do it your way. When God let's things happen to you that you think are totally unfair, and you just have to say "Ok but he is God, he does sort of like, know best, even I don't see it." That's very humblilng. It's also very easy to fail the job test. You know how Job says some pretty hard things about God, but never cuses him to die? Job is a better Chritian than I am.
But alll one can do is reprent and keep trusting. Trust is the key. You have to be able to say as Job did, "even though he might slay me, yet will I trust him." That's real hard to do, espeicially when you think you are the victim of gross injustice. I'm not saying I'm better than atheits, because as I say, I failed the test. But I think there is something about that taht is the real line between those who have faith and those who become atheists.
there's some line at which one group is willing to step out on trust and the other is not. but it's very had to trust when one feels that things are unfair. Trust is an active process. One must acitvely decide to trust. Many people think these thigns are just gifts that fall upon us from heaven, but no, trust requires a pro-active committment. Facing that kind of test is just par for the spiriutal course. Jesus tells us "in the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
I'll let God worry about the sheep and the goats.